September 30, 2010

You live alone?

Paraguayans are all about family. As far as I know, the family I live next to in my town is related to everybody else in town. I happen to know that a lot of the tias and tios are way beyond first generation, but the specifics get confusing. What I do know is that the fact that I live here alone blows the minds of close, distant, and fake Paraguayan relatives alike.

Most assume that I ran away and I have two sad and very disappointed parents in the states. Others try to think better of me; since I have two brothers, they must be staying and taking care of my mother, and I am simply the youngest committing one last sin of absence before buckling into the family agenda. The truth of american culture has been verbally bestowed upon these thinkers of the worst, and yet they sway their hand in the air as if they just heard a fairy tail.

And so, when the day came to announce my mother's soon arrival in my very community... the questions stayed exactly the same. Excitement however, grew, for them, and for me.

Before the members of my community could sweetly embrace, question, and pity my mother for having a daughter who left her, I had some vacation time to attend to. After months of waiting, September arrived, and after a few days of medical testing and a hefty anti-biotic prescription, I left Paraguay for the open, beach-filled lands of Florianopolis, Brazil.



The signs in Asuncion advertising Brazil as one big beach with the occasional surfer and palm tree... was the perfect description for this island of sand, surf, fish, and fisherman. Although slightly cold the week was spent in a breezy mind-dance of amazement at how much water access and beans and rice can do for the soul.





Tromping back into Paraguay for a night brought back my reality bluntly. Skirting my last flight due to scheduling errors, I was grabbed and yelled at to get back on my plane. Thankfully my Spanish is swift in times of need, and the women yelling at me likely had no case, so the following day My mother and I crossed the border again, into Argentina for the famous falls.



Days of steaks, wines, and a third trip to the falls ended with the final ride to my site. It was time.



Having my mother in site was, well, eye-opening. Rather than the astonishing disappointment normally portrayed to me at my abandoning my mother, the faces of my community were washed with thanks towards her for letting me come. Rather than the 12 straggling women who eventually make it to my women's committee meetings, all 23 showed up, with snacks, and even some hand-made ao po'i as a gift for a woman they had only heard about. It was beautiful.

And then she left, and the comments returned. "How's your mom?" "She is so brave to let you stay here." "I cannot believe she still came to see you after you abandoned her." "You mean, you STILL live alone?" While their hearts seemed to lighten a bit with her visit, their basic understanding has not changed.

And while my mom got to visit families, see my house, taste a few bites of Paraguayan food, and experience the hot Paraguayan sun, I have to wonder how much that little time could impact her understanding of my time here.

I have been here a year, a little more now. I see things differently. The water going out for a day barely affects me, while a little comments about me or my lifestyle by a Paraguayan that has been said one to many times can turn my week upside down. There are things about this country that make me happy and the other things that drive me CRAZY, but they are the things that make this Paraguay. I don't think meeting my mother excused my lack of Paraguayan tradition in my life choice one bit. I don't think that translating Paraguayan jokes about me sunk in to my mother as it does to many volunteers. But the trip brought unexpected benefits as well. I do think they felt proud and productive giving her their ao po'i, and I do think she liked it. The exchange of s'mores and gifts with my family left everyone smiling through goey mouths. And so, while the deep lessons I wished to involve in my mothers visit seem to have fallen short, perhaps they landed just where they needed to be.

And now, when asked, "You REALLY live alone?" I can reply, "Yes. And remember that time you met my mother? She lets me!"

September 1, 2010

Show and Tell

In second grade show and tell was great. I remember being proud of things as small as a painted rock, and my teacher made sure that everyone else appeared to care as well. Smiling broadly I presented whatever I brought, and then compared the items of others. I was generally jealous of the kids with stay-at home moms and new puppies, and prided myself that I chose to paint a rock, rather than the kid with a green stick…

Growing up I never thought about how it felt to be the object, to be displayed and talked about. Of course there did appear in the classroom the periodic parent with a really cool job, but adult-hood seemed like such a far off dream that I concentrated on little more than how is was too bad we already had a teacher, so my mom wouldn’t be anything unique for show and tell.


Holding Pedro, his mom calls him my child, he does make the visits easier though!

Then I got to Paraguay. At first I thought everyone invited me everywhere with them because they liked me. Then it dawned on me that they were asking me if they could take me to their Associates house. Take me, like I took my rock. Word gets out further, and suddenly I find myself with invitations to be taken to the houses of people’s elderly parents, grandchildren, cousins, and estranged aunts five towns away.

An invitation is an invitation. It means mingling with the people I now work for. Best of all I imagine Peace Corps giving me a high five and whispering “yeah girl” every time I head out on foot or horse cart. After-all, I will be completing the 2nd goal of my work here: teaching Paraguayans about Americans and their culture...because inevitably one of my weird American quirks will make itself evident. Also, I tend to leave with funny gifts, but that’s another story. It’s a win win. So I go.

Upon the arrival at the stranger’s house, their lives are put on hold. They kiss my cheeks, kick someone out of a chair and make me sit in it, offer me juice or tea, admire my hair, ask me to look at their garden (when they hear I have one), ask me how Paraguay compares to Germany (I remind them that not all blond people are Germans who moved to Paraguay after World War II, and that I am actually from the US), talk to whoever brought me to the new place about me for a while (she is pretty, she is big, does she eat well? Does she speak Spanish? (funny considering I have been speaking to them in Spanish before this conversation begins), Guarani? (ditto)), and then the person responds with her precious little known facts, like how white my calves actually are, etc…

Its a big thing that I have a camera. Visiting a family on birthday day leads to epic photos. Children in front of my cake gift, not smiling.

Eventually we return to the interactive time where I answer questions, and periodically am made to do a trick, from making fruit salad to saying an English word. In this time I have to watch what I say. Yesterday I accidentally mentioned I was thinking about trying to make mandarin marmalade and before I knew it they had the ingredients on the table. I was then ordered to supervise a project I had no idea how to complete. Luckily the sun saved me, and I skipped out on a horse cart before the stuff was done cooking. (Which was probably not great…. I am pretty sure I quadrupled one ingredient and halved another accidentally…)

I have no idea what these families say about me when I leave. I would like to think they spend the evening discussing how great and beautiful I am. Most likely they catch up on the time they lost during my visit, and forget about my visit for a little while, until they go to their neighbors house the next day to buy milk and remember to share with her about the quirky Spanish and Guarani speaking German who came to their house yesterday and made some pretty watery marmalade.

The cake another neighbor hired me to make. That was a fun party. Everyone was so happy that the german girl knew how to make cakes like the Germans in town, but for cheaper!


Baby chickensssss. Some wealthy politician gave the committee money to buy everyone ten chickens. They were cute.


Baking my own Rosemary bread. Delish! (and gives people something to brag about with!)